Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
soo... how was my night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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