I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
