If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
