I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
