Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I stole a fireplace last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
