I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
