please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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