a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
