I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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