Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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