Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
