umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
