We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
