I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
