Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
