I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
