my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
