If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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