I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
pray to the hookup gods
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
