i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
