i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
