We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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