i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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