how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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