It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
