I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
