I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
