She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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