maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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