maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this boner is exhausting
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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