Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
