you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
