the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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