Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
