if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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