I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
