her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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