bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
