very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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