I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
