I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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