theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
