why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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