So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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