There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
