I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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