Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
