1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
