you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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