This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
