I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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