Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
