me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
