So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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